On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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