I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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