also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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