Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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