So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
