I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
