God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
