On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize