He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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