Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
