I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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