i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
