WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
