There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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