My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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