A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I did not marry a roomba.
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