And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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