You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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