to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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