Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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