On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
