Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
They have beer where we have blood.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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