when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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