I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
