Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
