This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
