Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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