I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
