dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
