sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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