i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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