So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
