Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The air taste purple.
Randomize
