the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
