Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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