I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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