i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
