my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
