I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You can't just leave with hair like that
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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