my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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