really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
