update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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