your thong is hanging out like whoa
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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