did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i will never coherently bang her
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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