So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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