I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
