Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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