do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
