I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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