Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
