my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
