at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
