third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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