I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
