JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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