Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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