I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
