part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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