don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's rum buckets o'clock
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
