his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize