Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
