he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
