drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just threw up on my dentist
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
