talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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