Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
