why didn't you poke me back
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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