i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
